You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
