Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
