so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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