I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
