I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
