you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
