For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
