Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
