Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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