I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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