dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
