I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
