Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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