How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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