you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
