i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Randomize
