Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
