Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
