So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
