Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
