that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
