Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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