Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
