Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
