Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
