i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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