Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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