now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
