Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
