she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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