Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
