you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
