Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
