After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
