Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
