I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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