Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
