my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
