They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
