i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
