Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
