somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
