This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
