end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
