so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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