The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
