something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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