my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
