My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
