She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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