I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
