I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
