Plan B is the new Plan A
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
