I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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