PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
