I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
