wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
