girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
