we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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