What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
