Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
